We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
