ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Randomize
