Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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