ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
only if we run a train.
done.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
