I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You took a bar mat shot.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
