Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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