I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
