He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
