Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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