Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just tell him i said nine months
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
