I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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