thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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