it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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