Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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