I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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