you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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