I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
