Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
