Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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