Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
