I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
