epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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