I feel like I'm in dance class right now
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
