this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
