you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
