oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
