I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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