You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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