I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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