I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
