I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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