I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
