Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
