dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
