Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
