Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
