At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
