I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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