it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize