he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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