I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
