this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
