He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
