Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.