my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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