The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
