Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
