ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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