I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I met the friendliest cop last night
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
