conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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