The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
