Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
