her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
