She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
