I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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