MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
