the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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