Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
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so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
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To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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