Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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