cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
