so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
