You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
