can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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