And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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