Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
