I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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