I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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