Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
