I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
