Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Watching her eat just hurts me
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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